Category Archives: Hilarious

I am a dragon slayer.

If 2010 were a fire breathing dragon deep within a dusty, dark and barren cave, – the only thing standing between me and the life I want to live, then I climbed deep within the bowels of the earth and slayed that dragon.

This time last year I was a green university grad, at grad school and working what I thought was my dream job – for a major political party.

Funny how time passes by and former goals seem like relics of an ancient past. My former self is buried deep within the sediments of time and experience.

Now I stand here a year later, having pursued exactly what I wanted, shed the “friends” who weren’t friends, kept the ones that were, are and will always be.

In the last year I’ve been on welfare, ran a half marathon, suffered from Candida because I couldn’t afford to eat anything but eggs, bread and peanut butter, I slept on friend’s couches for 6 months, left a well paying (supposedly) dream job, worked (unpaid) for an ad agency in Toronto, contacted every ad agency in North America, met some of the most interesting people, changed the way I ate, consumed and thought about the world. I’ve volunteered at soup kitchens, started taking photographs, started a career in marketing, advertising, writing, and consulting. I blogged regularly, tweeted more than Tiger sexts, got glasses, and completely transformed spiritually. Oh and I love riding my bike – nothing makes me feel more free.

Now, with but a few hours left in the year, poverty seems to be another relic of the past but poverty’s memory will live forever – you can never forget that much suffering.

But after it all, I stand here stronger than ever with my own company in hand, head held high and would kill an infinite number of dragons to do it all over again.

Of course any dragon slayer needs help and those that did, you know who you are. Thanks.

Looking for my next adventure…

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The Christmas Party Before Christmas

Dear Santa Claus,

My name is Liam Mooney, and I wanted to say thanks for giving me the best Christmas present before Christmas, ever!

The stockings were full of free stuff from a Jewish deli in New York named Zabar’s. They miraculously sponsored my 8th annual Christmas party before Christmas, and I want to thank you for this piece of magic xmas joy.

My friends, however, think all the free stuff was the result of a clever social media ploy.

We tweeted and had Zabar’s trending, posted and shared until Zabar’s had 150 new friends and over 100 comments.

Regardless I still think it was you, jolly ol’ St. Nick, that made this happen. Either way, I guess it just goes to show that Santa, just like Facebook, can get you anything you want. Within reason.

Anyway Santa, here is a poem that I wrote just for you.

Love,

Liam

————————-

T’was the Christmas party before Christmas, when all through the cyberhouse,

No creature wasn’t tweeting, not even a mouse.

The postings were hung by the wall with care,

In hopes that St. Zabar’s would soon be there.

——–

The guests were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Babkas danced in their heads.

And Santa in his suit, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for long winter’s nap.

———

When out at the border there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the car to see what was the matter.

Away to the UPS counter I flew like a flash,

Tore open the boxes and saw a Zabar’s stash.

——–

The light in the depot that was bright like the snow,

Gave the lustre of mid-day to the treats and eats below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But rugelach, babka, and Jewish-Christmas Cheer.

———

With savoury meats and tasty chocolate bars,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Zabar’s.

More rapid than eagles the package it came,

We shouted, whistled and chanted Zabar’s by name.
———-

Now Hashtags! Now Shares! Now Retweets! Now Postings! Now @Replys! Now “Likes”!

To the top of the trending to the top of the wall!

Now post away! Post away! Post away all!

—–

The food was put on a tray, and made our taste buds whistle,

It flew off the plates like the down of a thistle.

And you could hear the guests, ‘ere they walked out of sight,

‘Happy Christmas before Christmas, and to all a good-night!”

PS. I have one more Christmas wish: please “like” Zabar’s on Facebook for helping make my wish come true.

PSS. I hope you like Babka and milk.